[Morning Briefs] The Day News Didn’t Really Happen

3 Jan

This was the most excitement in the news. An overturned train car carrying flour. It didn't even happen yesterday. (via KPVI)

Some days the news is full of excitement and tragedy! Some days it’s full of heartbreaking stories that leave you sobbing on your keyboard (well maybe for some of us). Some days, however, the news is full of a bunch of non-news. That is, it’s full of stories that aren’t exactly interesting, no matter how interesting they might seem on the surface. Today is one of those days. So if you’re looking for a bunch of exciting, sexy news, you’re out of luck. But if it’s the bland, vanilla news you’re after, well let me present you with today’s morning briefs!

  • Soda Springs police officer Anthony Stuckey, 25, was arrested over the weekend for battery and disturbing the peace, after a fight with his girlfriend, Jamie Hemmert, 27, on New Year’s Eve. Yesterday, I guessed that he would probably be in some hot water with the Soda Springs Police Department over all this, and I was right! Police Chief Joe Rice said Stuckey is currently suspended from his job, pending the ongoing investigation. We still have yet to see whether or not he’ll be permanently axed from the job, but when commenting on the situation, Rice used the big D-word: disappointed. Ouch. If Stuckey is really lucky the department will just forget this thing ever happened and ignore it all away. (I’m looking at you, Chubbuck Police Department.) [LN8]
  • Powerball lottery tickets will soon cost you more money! That’s actually some very distressing news for some people! Lottery officials said the price of a ticket will double from $1 to $2 starting Jan. 15. Don’t freak out just yet, because the starting Powerball jackpot will also rise, from $20 million to $40 million. But don’t get your hopes too high, because they’re also reducing the number of red Powerballs, reducing your odds of winning it all [NOTE: This apparently ups your odds. I don’t know how Powerball works and I don’t know much about statistics. Apparently neither does Local News 8, who I got the information from]. But wait! To compensate, they’re going to increase the second prize win, for matching all but the Powerball, from $200,000 to $1 million. Stop toying with our emotions Powerball!! [LN8]
  • Three train cars derailed in Pocatello! No, put your Super 8 fantasies away. The derailment happened on Friday, but nobody really noticed it until yesterday. Why? Because nobody was hurt, the cars were just carrying flour, none of it spilled and it doesn’t appear to be that big of a deal. But were they really carrying just flour? Couldn’t they have been carrying an alien trapped by the government who is hell-bent on destroying humanity? I’m going to say probably. [KPVI]
  • As every media outlet in the country focuses their lenses on the Iowa caucuses this week, Idaho will hold its own straw poll to hopefully maybe have some kind of influence on the Republican presidential nomination. That’s right, this Friday the people will get the chance to vote in the Grand and Influential Idaho Straw Poll, as it will one day be called. All you need to do is pick your favorite in the hot mess that is the Republican presidential nominee field, and cough up a mere $30. If you want to go, it will be from 7 to 10 p.m. at the Riverside Hotel in Boise, this Friday. Democracy at work! [LN8]
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